Dear Paul:
As a blog that focuses on urban style parenting, I’ve written about you before. By all accounts, you’re a sweet city celebu-dad who totes his precious cargo Jack around NYC on your shoulders, romps with him in the park, ties his shoes and ensures that he gets a steady diet of star-studded play dates.
More to the point, although a lot of sad, misguided individuals claim to be your soul-mate, *I’m* the only TRUE one. I’ve provided solid rationale for why it’s so, here. I’m sure you’ve read it, but you might want to peruse it again to get that nice, warm feeling one gets from reconnecting with someone you’ve shared past lives with.
Of course, being karmically connected to you, I had to run out immediately and see your new flick I Love You, Man. And that I do. I love you. I love you. I love you.
There. I’ve said it.
I can’t help it. You’re funny. You’re sweet. You slap the bass (at least in the film). Ok, so you’re not the tallest tree in the forest… but I hear that you smell good and as far as I can tell have a full head of hair. Your career is on fire and now there are rumors floating around out there that your wife, Julie, is pregnant with your second child.
So. Not. Fair.
Anyway, it’s this last bit of information that’s got my knickers in a twist. Paul, honey: Yer breakin’ my heart. An expansion of your family sends a signal that there really is no hope for me [insert loud desperate sob, here].
I mean, if the rumors are true, I’m happy for you ‘n all… I’m sure Jack would like a little brother or sister, and you seem like the kinda guy who simply revels in the whole kid thang. But what about me? Where does this leave me… the taller, less talented, much less rich yin to your yang?
I suppose I oughta focus on the positive. It’ll give me lots o’ rhyme and reason to scribble about you in a parenting blog.
For instance, if you are expecting a second child, it points to your time-management skills. Considering you’ve made 12.5 movies in just 4 months, when did you have, er, time to … well, you know? You had to budget time to play with Jack. Recite your lines for your next project. Continue to play chess with your buds. Maybe the moniker Pistol Pete from the new movie has, um, alternative meanings?
Never mind. If you have another kid I’ll have plenty of perfectly legitimate opportunities to focus on you. I’ll need to report which diaper bag you choose. If you co-sleep. (Sigh.) Whether you are going to stay in the city or — heaven forbid — move out. Don’t do it, Paul. Just… don’t go to the dark side.
Look, you’ve certainly got the means to continue living in the city with your family, whether you have 1,2 or 6 kids plus a cat, 3 dogs and a tufted tit-mouse. Admittedly, I haven’t always contributed to your wallet (So I’ve snuck into a couple of your movies without paying. Sue me. Oh… wait… maybe you could. Scratch that.) But I paid cold, hard cash for the ticket to I Love You, Man. So go on out and buy yourself a bigger, snazzier place in the ‘hood. I’d be thrilled to know that I, personally, helped to subsidize your new “manse”. That said, I fully expect to be invited to the housewarming party.
No need to send a gold-embossed invitation. Email is juuust fine.
Love you, man.
– Me (and yeah, yeah, I know… everyone else, too)
♦♦♦♦
ParentZing! Perk: Stay One Step Ahead and receive 15% off your online order of $100 or more until Mar 31 09 with the code BABY15P.
I love Paul Rudd too.Being a mom, it’s nice to be able to have a crush on someone who seems just like a nice regular guy, fun dad. I don’t need to crush on the crazy, wild young things anymore. Go Paul!
He breaks my heart, too. Sigh.
He breaks my heart, too. I love Paul!!
ai omá que rico!!!