Vinny’s Got My Vote

Thank G-d for Entourage. 

It doesn’t s*ck, unlike some other shows (which shall remain nameless). Actually, one particular one was so disappointing this season that I *will* mention names: Shame on you Heidi, Nina & Michael for wasting my precious time. I wash my hands of you! BTW, Leanne: Cut that #*&$%* hair!).  

Now, back to more important issues, like the quirky Entourage chaps. Seeing how ParentZing!’s theme is urban. style. parenting., bet you’re wondering how the heck I’m gonna weave the good ol’ boys into a post that reflects this. Trust me, hon, I can weave with the best of ‘em! 

Behold exhibit A:

Enter stage right, Ari.

Yes, Ari, Ari, Ari: You had me at “a b*tch slap for a b*tch.”

Whooo hooo! You go, boy!

I gotta say, it would be kinda nice if every once in a while someone was inspired to b*tch slap another individual because of me. I’m not saying all the time, just, like…I don’t know, every couple of years. Ari is a devoted dad. Doting (some would say whipped) husband. So what if he’s a little, um, rough around the edges? The man b*tch slaps to preserve his wife’s honor!

Ari, will you marry me?

Along with standing up for his wife, he encourages her buy, buy and buy some more. Sarah Palin’s $150,000 wardrobe probably couldn’t stack up to Mrs. Ari’s sock collection. On top of all this, he’s even voting for Obama.

Well, not Ari, exactly. Jeremy Piven is for Obama – the actor that plays Ari. Now, Mr. Piven seems OK and all, but I really have no desire to marry him…you know, the real guy.

Cutie co-star Adrian Grenier (“Vinny” on the show) is also an Obama supporter. And who cares if he isn’t (yet) a parent. Adrian definitely meets all the other criterion in order to be interviewed for my book on celebrities and politics. 

Now, *he’s* a real guy I would love to hang out with and talk to (and perhaps stare longingly into his eyes). Have you seen his documentary on finding his real dad? That sweet young thang’s rockin’ a deep soul. And now he’s rockin’ the vote, as well:

 

Yo, Adrian, will *YOU* marry me?! (Pretty please?)

Celebrity Parents, Politics…(and Me, Of Course)

Tobey Macguire & his Spidey-spawn, Ruby.

A while back I blathered on and on about how someone came up with a book idea that for all intents and purposes really was mine. I just hadn’t thought of it yet. It’s a collection of stories told by mothers of famous people. You know, what it was like to raise their future stars and starlets.

I took it hard – I could have been interviewing all of those celeb parents, which would have, naturally, thrust me into the homes and lives of the celebrities themselves. In time I would become their friends, allies, and co-stars. It was as easy as A+B = C(elebrities). How the heck had I missed the boat?

And, isn’t one supposed to learn from one’s mistakes?

I guess not, because it’s happened again: Yes, someone else is working on a book that I should have thought of first. Steven J. Ross, Professor of History and chairman of the History Department at USC, winner of this and of that, blah..blah…blah…penned this: Hollywood Left and Right: How Movie Stars Shaped American Politics.

Argh.

The only saving grace is that the title says, “SHAPED politics” as in, past tense. Which means… Dr. Ross, if you need a research assistant to work on the follow up book about current Hollywood celebrities and politics, you know how to reach me.

I’ll need some (ok, a lot) of creative license to do what I d*mn well please. For instance, I’ll want to generate the final list of celebs to be interviewed. I will have set criteria, of course. It’ll include things such as who:

• donates time and money;
• is truly educated about the the causes for which they fight; 
• is among the best looking;
• is most eager to share their wardrobes with me; and
• will land me juicy parts on their EMMY-winning series.

I’ll even be bipartisan in my research, though for this election cycle that might be a liiiiiiiiittle hard. There are seemingly way greater numbers of cool, hunky and/or well-dressed celebrity Papas and Mamas in the Obama camp compared to McCain’s. 

I’m just sayin’.

According to sources out there, I could hang out and interview Obama-supportin’ parents such as Brad Pitt, who is Obama’s cousin. (I’m not lyin’, here!) Others folks I can chat with, to name just a few, include: Ben Harper (who’s married to and has kids with Laura Dern. Just how’d SHE get so, er, *dern* lucky?! See Ben in action by clicking on the video below), Matt Damon (who is being “Bourne” again for a fourth movie, we found out recently), Sarah Jessica Parker (did she officially dump Matthew yet?) and even Spider-Man.  

Oh, right, there’s the Obama email vixon Scarlett Johansson. Now, I don’t think she’s a very good actress. In my opinion she’s a one-trick pony. On top of that, I hear she’s a few fries short of a Happy Meal. On the other hand, she’s likely to have quite a well-stocked wardrobe. Moreover, she just married Ryan Reynolds in a quick & quiet ceremony because, some say, she’s preggers. Maybe I’ll include her as a footnote.

For the McCain chapter of the book I would be able to interview, well, Rip Torn and Sylvester Stallone. Um, er, whooo hooo? And, sheesh, get the straight jacket: There’s Joan Rivers, who spits venom about all the candidates.  

Meet John Kennedy: He Does Muppets, Makes Puppets. And I Don’t.

John Kennedy has been entertaining audiences for over two decades in films, television, and commercials. Any other actor would find huge fame in such a fruitful career, but John has learned that anonymity suits him fine in his job of performing puppets. As an author John has passed on his blueprints to puppetry success in his two puppet making books Puppet Mania and Puppet Planet. 

We interviewed John because, well… who the heck wouldn’t want to? He’s got the coolest job. He gets paid for doing the coolest job. ‘Nuff said.

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Q: Deep down we all want to be puppeteers. Looking back, what were the defining things that actually led you to achieve the goal? (In other words, where the heck did we go so wrong?! And, is it too late for us?)

I spent most of my youth in elementary school developing my voice through my puppets. When I got into junior high I realized that I had become antisocial. I had to reinvent myself through the other thing I knew, music. I joined show choir, jazz band, and in high school won an audition to go to Europe with a singing group. 

It was while I was in France, as our bus traveled over a bridge through a beautiful valley, that I realized that life was too short and I had to follow my true calling of puppetry. I had two music scholarships to college but turned them down when I got back home and started writing to Henson Associates for a job interview right away.

Q: Tell us about some of the characters you’ve played over the 18 years you’ve been a puppeteer, and which ones are your favorites.

The Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss was my breakout show. Up until that time I had only been allowed to assist other puppeteers or do background characters. I had heard it is typical within the Muppet organization to train a new cast member for 5 years before being given a character. 

I don’t remember anyone saying to me, “Okay, you’ve put in your five years so you get to perform a character” but the timing did happen to work out that way. For this reason my favorite characters would have to be Horton the Elephant, Norval the Fish, Mr. Knox, Sam-I-Am, and all of the 40 plus characters I performed during the 2 seasons of this series. It was truly a Wubbulous time.

Q: Do you do the voices as well as the puppet movements? (If a puppeteer has to be able to sing then I never had a chance anyway).

Yes! I took all of those voice lessons in high school for that very reason. The latest show I am involved with is called Pajanimals. I get to sing and voice my own character (Apollo, the dog) while also being puppeteer coordinator. That means I get to choreograph the puppets and puppeteers, so those show choir days paid off too.

Brad: Email me & I'll put you in touch with John.

Q: What’s the most exciting thing that ever happened to you because you’re a puppeteer? For example, has Brad Pitt called you (yet) to perform a private show for his kids at the French chateau where he & Angelina live?

That would be cool! I’ve met and worked with a lot of famous people but the most exciting thing I was ever involved with was the press tour for Dinosaurs back in 1991. 

I was cast as an assistant puppeteer on that show and was only doing backup characters until the last day of the first episode when I got to perform the eyes of the baby dinosaur as he was born. After that moment Baby Sinclair became a hit character, largely because of the talents of Kevin Clash, but because I was his assistant I got to go along for his star studded journey into TV history.

Within weeks I found myself riding in limos and flying to NY, Chicago, and LA with all of the stars of ABC.  The Olsen twins, Rosanne Barr, Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis, and James Earl Jones were just a few of the big named stars that I was jetsetting with. I still remember the Olsen Twins, who must have been only 5 or 6 years old, being escorted to the bathroom on the plane.

Julie will get to assist John with his show for the Pitt-Jolie kids. Not fair! Maybe I can go as HER assistant?!

Q: If Brad Pitt calls you to fly to France to perform for his kids, can I come along as a roadie?

That’s the great thing about puppetry. You always need an assistant. My wife, Julie, goes on cruises with me as my assistant while I get paid to do workshops with the kids. What better job can you ask for? The only draw back is spending more money than you make at the tropical locations you get to visit.

Q: How have computers and all the incredible software out there either hurt or helped puppeteering? And what does the future hold for puppeteering?

Puppetry took a hit when computer animation came along. There were a lot of jobs for puppets before then.  I’m currently trying to bend the computer rules to include the ancient art of puppetry. 

My new short film, The Sure Sheep, showcases a new technique I’m developing that gives legs to my puppets.  I perform the characters in front of green and then superimpose computer animated legs on to them. The look is really cool and it leaves people wondering how it is done.

I Heart Chicago

Each month ParentZing! highlights a different city; this time around City “X” is Chicago. Our guest writer is “T.J.”, a transplant to the Windy City from LA. Along with three kids under 10, a spouse and a “very naughty chocolate Lab,” T.J. loves living in The Second City. Here are 10 reasons why their whole family thinks it’s first rate. 

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There are many reasons Chicago is such a great city to raise a family, so it’ll be hard to list only 10. I hope my fellow Chicagoans will offer their insights in the comments section so that readers can learn even more.

1. All the beaches and parks. We have something like over 550 parks. I forget the exact number, but it really doesn’t matter. Let’s just say it’s a crazy amount.

The largest, Lincoln Park, has a terrific and manageable zoo, cool statues like one of Shakespeare that the kids can climb and sit on, golf, basketball, tennis, public beaches, playgrounds, gardens, boating and a conservatory. During the summer there are theatre performances and concerts outdoors. There’s even more to do there, but you’ll have to come and check it out for yourself.

2. Sports. Even if you generally aren’t a sports fan, it’s fun to live in a city that is so intense about its teams. The anticipation and excitement is infectious. The Cubs, White Sox, Bears, Bulls, Blackhawks, whatever. Families attend sporting events in droves. Okay, so it can be expensive. Watching on TV is good, too. We get together with other families, pop the popcorn, and have our own stadium-style experience. (P.S. It helps if you have friends with really big high def plasma screens.)

3. Chicago respects and kids and culture.  There is always something cool and cultural going on in the city. Coming up soon (October 23 – November 2) is the annual Chicago International Children’s Film Festival. Yes, an international film festival just for children! And this isn’t just some politically correct thing someone just started. The festival’s been around for 25 years.

There are also many terrific museums. Our favorite is The Field Museum of natural history. There’s also live children’s theatre. Bottom line is there is no way you can get bored here.

“Mewed” Music

You know how when you (used to) have grownup parties you pick(ed) particular CDs to play in the background to set the mood? Well, I’ve got one for the kiddie party circuit: Baby Loves Salsa: Salsa para los gatitos y perritos. That is, Salsa for Kittens and Puppies.

The CD has 16 hot salsa tracks, some of them familiar (“You are My Sunshine”) and many not. The overall theme is a story about, yes, kitties and pups from New York City who form a successful salsa band. The journey starts with an introduction to instruments used in this type of band, along with what each one is called in English and Spanish.

The kids were more interested in the music than in the Spanish lesson, but no matter: Starting with the second song they began to expend massive amounts of energy. They joined rousing choruses of “all the little kitties say MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! All the little doggies say “HOWL! HOWL! HOWL!“ 
 

We all mewed, howled and, inexplicably, oinked our way around the room in a dance train that woulda made Mario Lopez darn proud.

I thought they might be interested in seeing real salsa dancing, but I knew my salsa-savvy friend Susan wasn’t in town to demonstrate. (She once tried to teach me the basic dance steps in a dark and lonely parking lot, under starry skies, as we attempted to jump start my brain-dead car. Long story). Since she wasn’t on hand for a live performance, I found a clip on YouTube.  

That was the only permission they needed to start spinning around to the music and wrapping their arms around each other in Twister-like poses. (It could be argued that some were more akin to a half nelson wrestling move).

So, it wasn’t really salsa dancing. Who cares, right? The salsa spirit was certainly there!

 

When Listening to Music Becomes a Production (Literally)

With everything going on in the world today (heck, even ”The King of Beers” is now owned by another country), it’s a particularly wise idea to introduce your child to other cultures early on. How? Not to get all literature-y on you, but I think it was Longfellow who said “Music is the universal language of mankind.” 

But does this hold true for “kidkind”? As I’m sure you’ve experienced, little sponges love hearing and watching the same things over and over and over (and over). In their case, familiarity breeds… well, more familiarity, not contempt. 

On a recent rainy weekend day I conducted a test. I slid the new Putumayo Kids CD “Sesame Street Playground: Songs and Videos from Around the World” into the player. I hit play, sat back, and observed. The disc begins with the Dutch “Sesamstraat.” There are 13 songs in all, only two of which are in English.

 
 

You know the look Shaggy gives when he yells out “Zoinks!“? That’s exactly the look they had on their faces as they listened with confused curiosity. After a couple of tracks one ‘em declared, “These songs sound… funny.”  

When the third track started — “Elmo’s Song” in good ol’ English — I explained to them that people who spoke languages other than ours probably thought that *this* song sounded funny. 

I smiled (at least inside), all smug and self-satisfied. I had taught them a valuable lesson.

Then Rubber Duckie came on in Mandarin. They howled. Knee-slapped. Rolled on the ground with laughter. Oh, yeah, and they were trying to imitate the sounds… and not in a politically correct way, I might add.