No Fries with That: Upscale Restaurants with the Kids

Just because you’ve got babies or kids in tow doesn’t mean that you have to end up unwrapping your dinner and eating with a plastic spork. 

There are plenty of strategies for upscale eating with the fam.  

Choose Carefully

Start out slow:  Pick places that have long lunch hours, early dinner times and/or outdoor space. Choose a couple for the test drive. These places should be those that are further down on your “must try” list.

Why, you ask?

Well, because, frankly, there is the distinct possibility that if your child decides to throw the butternut squash ravioli at the sommelier you may be politely (or not so politely) asked to never return.  

This also means that the restaurants you select for the trial run should NOT be ones that the celebs frequent.

I mean, you wouldn’t want to ruin your chances with Paul Rudd or Angelina should your princess decide to stand on the table declaring her intention to blow chunks if you don’t stop asking her to “just try” the duck two ways with red currant jus.

Time it Wisely

Obviously, the first move is to go during off-peak times.  

If you want to try lunch, give it a go as soon as they open or right before they are ready to close up to prepare for dinner.

If you are striving for dinner hours, make a reservation — even if you are going at the stroke of 5:00PM when the doors swing open. If you have infants or toddlers, when making the reservation ask if they have high chairs or boosters. 

A “no” would mean that this would be a place to try after you’ve had a trial run at a few restaurants that do.  (FWIW, “no” to boosters/high chairs doesn’t mean no kids allowed; it just means the owners don’t have kids of their own and it never occurred to them to have the equipment around.)  

Anyway, much more to the point: Calling and asking that question sends a p*r*e*t*t*y clear a signal that you are intending to bring potentially hostile creatures — cute as they may be — into their territory.

Believe me, if the little ones are not welcomed at all, you will be politely rejected right then and there with the recommendation that you come on a day that you have a babysitter.  If the host doesn’t come right out and say it, a loooong, awkward silence on his or her end of the line will be a dead giveaway.

Once You’re “In”

Once you are actually inside the dining establishment (or plunked on the patio) and buttocks are firmly planted on chair, one tip is to tell server when you are ordering that you’ll need the check right away.  While saying that, glance furtively at said child/children so that he or she understands the urgency of this request.

This cuts down on the time he or she will spend trying to talk you into digestifs or other after-dinner delights ($5.00 coffees)  and on that lag time between finishing and getting the check.  Bring cash so you won’t have to deal with the credit card red tape. You’ll be amazed at how much time that in of itself can take when you have a squirming 10 month old on your lap.

Prepare

For the kids who communicate with words, explain the difference between this type of restaurant and those you may usually go to (read: IHOP).  Make it fun - highlight how it is typically a place where adults go and how lucky it is that they get to try it.  

Discuss the type of food that they will have there and what they might want to try. Get the older kids online to find the menu so that they can mull it over. Preparing the kids for what the experience will be like means that they can’t pull the “I don’t like ANYTHING on the menu” card.

For the teeny-tiny ones just embarking on the food journey, don’t be afraid to bring your Ziplock of Cheerios. Nobody cares, as long as the kid is relatively quiet. Trust me!

Distract, Distract, Distract

For kids of all ages, distraction is key.  

Pack little (quiet) toys that won’t explode when they hit the ground or shout “We did it!” in Spanish when you push the button on the purple backpack.  Let the older kids bring their Highlights magazine or superhero comics or whatever it is kids read these days.

Again, remember this mantra: NOBODY cares as long as they are quiet.

Feel like your kids are ignoring you if they bring their mags? Don’t.  

When the food comes, the magazines go down and the articles or stories they were reading can be rich topics for conversation.  For instance, you might end up discussing the relative merits of Wolverine vs. Professor X. Or perhaps you’ll get into deep conversation about why it is that Elmo doesn’t wear pants. But, hey, you’ll be COMMUNICATING with each other, right? And isn’t communication a cornerstone for healthy relationships?

Be Flexible

Despite the prep tactics, once you are actually seated your angel may decide he would rather stick the prongs of his fork into is eyes rather than eat anything off the menu.  

If it really seems as if you are going to lose the battle (or Paul Rudd is sitting directly across from you, giving you a look of horror at the mounting spectacle), suck it up and pick the plainest thing on the menu and then ask the server if there’s a chance the chef might make it even plainer.  

That may mean a slab of unseasoned chicken on a plate that you pay $23 for, but remember:  The whole of this experience is greater than the sum of its parts. You get to eat your pepper-encrusted steak, have a nice glass of Australian wine, and probably take home 90% of the tasteless chicken to cut up and put in spaghetti sauce for your kid’s dinner tomorrow.

Another way you’ll need to be flexible is to be ready at any moment for “The Walk.”

You know what I mean.  When the decibels get too high and you ever-so-gently guide your child by the arm to go for a little “walk.”  Discuss the division of labor for this with your spouse, partner, or other adult dinner companion ahead of time so that there isn’t (too much) resentment from the one that has to come back to a cold entree.

For infants, the change in scenery alone might do the trick.  For the kids who “should” be able to understand general etiquette, remember to be forgiving.  You don’t want them to associate dinners out with getting read the riot act.  Calmly explain to them why you want them to use their inside voices and how much fun it is going to be if they make it through the dinner… because… that means… DESSERT!

Yes. DESSERT. Feel free to resort to bribery. 

Now, to a kid dessert typically does not equal flour-less chocolate cake with mint sprigs and rum reduction. Dessert means an ice cream cone with a swirl on top.  If you get what you want (good behavior during dinner) give them something that they want (swirls and sprinkles).  Promise to stop by the fro-yo place on the way home. Then turn and give your child a hug for saving you about 900 calories.

Finally, be resigned to the fact that at least in the beginning you will be in for a string of “eat & runs”; i.e.,  if it isn’t working out don’t torture your kid and/or yourself. Ask the server to bring out those doggie bags or foil swans lickity-split and start heading for the nearest exit.  

Walk swiftly and keep your eyes straight ahead. Glance sideways and you may catch one of those “I go out so I don’t have to listen to ()#*$*&#@ screaming kids!” looks.

Not that you should care. But it may put a damper on the evening, especially if you happen to notice the look is coming from your boss.

Are You Being Selfish?

Finally, although I don’t fully understand it, some people actually feel guilty trying to take their kids to nice restaurants instead of stopping off for the usual cheesy mac.  

To these people I say: THWACK! Wake up and smell the fair-trade coffee!

This isn’t just a perk for you. Kids who are introduced to new foods early on may be more likely to be adventurous eaters later in life. And letting your kids experience a variety of environments can help them to learn self-control and how to appropriately behave in different situations.  

So, see? You’re doing them a favor by dropping by that new Tom Colicchio joint! Get over it. And enjoy.

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We’re interested in hearing which fine dining establishments in your city are kid-positive. Also feel free to post any additional tips you have for parents and their kids to enjoy the “fine” in dining.